Candle Advent Rituals: Counting Down to the Holidays with Remembrance

The holidays are often a time of light, warmth, and gathering. But for those who have lost someone dear, this season can also bring feelings of absence and longing. Candle advent rituals offer a meaningful way to bridge those emotions — blending tradition with remembrance, and inviting gentle reflection as the year draws to a close.

Lighting a candle each week or each day leading up to the holidays can transform grief into a ritual of peace. It’s a practice that brings both structure and solace: a way to acknowledge loss while still embracing the season’s light.

Whether done alone, with family, or as part of a memorial gathering, this simple tradition can help you feel connected to loved ones while finding calm in the glow of each flame.

The Meaning of Candle Advent Rituals

The word “advent” comes from the Latin adventus, meaning “arrival.” Traditionally, Advent marks the four weeks before Christmas — a period of preparation, reflection, and hope. But candle advent rituals can be reimagined for anyone, of any faith or background, as a way to honor both memory and renewal.

Each candle can represent something different: love, gratitude, hope, peace — or even a specific loved one. Lighting one at a time builds anticipation, while also creating moments of pause during the busy holiday season.

In grief, these small pauses matter. They offer permission to slow down, to feel, and to remember.

Step 1: Create Your Candle Setting

Start by designating a quiet space for your advent ritual — somewhere that feels calm and inviting. A dining table, windowsill, or mantle works beautifully.

Arrange your candles in a row or a circular formation, representing continuity. You can use four candles for each week of Advent or 25 small tealights to count down each day of December.

Add personal touches that bring warmth and meaning:

• A framed photo of your loved one

• Sprigs of greenery or pinecones for a natural touch

• A piece of fabric, table runner, or linen that matches your home’s tone

• A small bowl for written reflections or notes of gratitude

Many families choose candles in white or cream for simplicity, but soft hues like gold, blue, or green can also create a comforting, reflective atmosphere.

Step 2: Choose a Meaning for Each Candle

Assigning a symbolic meaning to each candle helps guide your ritual and makes every lighting intentional.

Here’s an example of a four-week remembrance ritual:

Candle 1: Memory
Light the first candle in honor of your loved one’s life — their presence, laughter, and spirit. Share a story or photo that captures what made them unique.

Candle 2: Gratitude
The second candle represents thankfulness for the time you shared. Reflect on the lessons they taught, the kindness they showed, or the memories that continue to guide you.

Candle 3: Healing
The third candle honors the ongoing journey of grief. Use this moment to acknowledge both pain and progress — how love has shaped your healing.

Candle 4: Hope
The final candle symbolizes light returning — hope for the future, and comfort in knowing their love remains part of your story.

If you’re lighting candles daily instead of weekly, you can assign each day a word or theme — peace, courage, laughter, connection — to encourage mindful reflection throughout the season.

Step 3: Add Words, Music, or Silence

Once your candles are lit, decide how you want to fill those moments. Some people prefer complete quiet, simply watching the flame flicker. Others find comfort in reading aloud a poem, prayer, or passage.

You might:

• Read a favorite quote from your loved one

• Play a song that reminds you of them

• Recite a holiday prayer or blessing

• Journal your feelings or memories

• Sit in silence and breathe

What matters most is presence — creating space to connect, even briefly, with love that endures beyond loss.

For many, the ritual becomes a grounding practice — a few minutes each week that offer emotional stability amid the busyness of the season.

Step 4: Include Family or Friends

While candle advent rituals can be deeply personal, they can also be shared. Lighting candles as a family brings collective comfort and helps create new holiday traditions rooted in connection.

Invite each person to light one of the candles and share a memory or wish. Children can participate by drawing pictures, choosing songs, or placing ornaments near the candles.

You could also extend the ritual to friends who knew your loved one. Host a small remembrance gathering, either in person or virtually, where everyone lights a candle from their own home. Together, your individual flames become part of a shared circle of remembrance.

Step 5: Write Reflections or Wishes

Keeping a journal or note bowl near your candles can help transform your ritual into a living archive of remembrance. Each week or day, write something to honor your loved one — a memory, a moment of gratitude, or a wish for the future.

By the end of the season, you’ll have a collection of reflections that tell a story: one of love, continuity, and healing. Some families choose to read these notes together on the final day of the ritual, or save them for the following year to look back on how grief has evolved.

This small act of writing turns light into legacy.

Step 6: Close the Season with Intention

As the final candle burns, take a few minutes to reflect on the journey your ritual has taken you through. Notice what’s shifted — what feelings surfaced, what memories brought warmth, what quiet moments brought peace.

You might end the ritual by:

• Saying a few closing words of gratitude

• Placing your candles near a memorial photo or urn

• Donating to a cause your loved one cared about

• Sharing your reflections with family

Ending with intention ensures that your advent ritual doesn’t simply fade away — it becomes a symbol of light you can return to any time you need it.

The Healing Power of Light

Throughout history, light has symbolized remembrance, renewal, and hope. During the darker months, when grief can feel heavier, lighting candles reminds us that warmth and beauty still exist. Each flame represents a life — fragile yet enduring.

When grief dims our days, these rituals help us rediscover light, not by forgetting, but by remembering with tenderness. Every candle you light becomes both a memory and a promise: that love’s glow remains, even when shadows fall.

Bringing It All Together

At Oaktree Memorials, we believe remembrance should feel personal and restorative. Candle rituals are one of the most powerful ways to keep connection alive — transforming loss into quiet beauty.

Consider pairing your advent ritual with one of Oaktree’s memorial candles, keepsake urns, or photo displays. These handcrafted pieces are designed to hold both light and meaning, making them perfect for seasonal remembrance traditions.

As you count down to the holidays, may each candle bring you closer to peace. Let every flame remind you that love continues to shine — through memory, through giving, and through every gentle moment of reflection.